


Stung

by bachlava



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Get Together, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-21
Updated: 2011-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bachlava/pseuds/bachlava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve tries taking Danny out on a similar beach cook-out that he took Catherine on (1x05). Danny being Danny, things go horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stung

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt by leupagus.

“So you dragged me all the way out here for this?”

“This is my house. It’s not ‘all the way out here.’”

“It requires getting on the highway, which automatically constitutes ‘all the way out here.’ And you said it was important.”

“This is important, Danno.”

“Your barbecuing is only important insofar as it entails contacting either the health department or the fire department, depending on which way you fuck it up.”

“I’m not going to argue on that one.”

“Oh, you’re not?”

“No. I’m going to prove you wrong. But I can’t do that if you’re hovering over me the whole time.”

“What am I supposed to do, wait in the house?”

“No, you’re going to have your first lesson in swimming in the ocean.”

“Steve, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten those times you’ve seen me in the pool when I had to work out in water for my knee - that did only last two months, after all - but I do, in fact, know how to swim.”

“You know how to swim laps. Swimming in the ocean is something different.”

“Yeah, because the ocean has sharks!”

“Danny, the only sharks that have the tiniest likelihood of venturing anywhere near this close to shore are either under two feet long or dead. If you swam here every day all year, you’d have less chance of getting killed than you do in every five-minute car trip.”

“And maybe that wouldn't be the case if most of my five-minute car trips weren't what would and should be twenty-minute car trips, except you’re driving!”

Steve took a deep breath and counted to ten. It had no effect on him whatsoever, but it surprised Danny into at least looking attentive. “Look, Danny. I know you don’t like the ocean. I know you don’t want to be in Hawai’i and you don’t like the way life is here.”

“But?”

“But since you’re stuck here anyway, you might as well see what adaptations you can make. At the very least, staying afraid to go in the ocean is only going to make your life worse.”

“I’m not afraid to go in the ocean. I just have no desire to do so.”

“Fine. Prove it.”

“That I don’t want to go in the ocean?”

“No, you’ve proved that already. Prove you’re not afraid.”

“What, you want me to take a lie-detector test?”

“No, even I know that polygraphs are discredited pseudoscience that aren’t admissible in a court of law in any state.”

“So you are learning something about being a cop.”

“I guess I am. Now you’ve got to learn something about living in Hawai’i.”

“I don’t have a bathing suit with me.”

“I know you don’t. There’s an old spare that should fit you on a chair in the kitchen.”

  
***

Steve got the grill set up while Danny made his way, tentatively, into the water. “That’s right, coast is clear, no sharks in sight,” he said.

“That’s because sharks live  _under_  the water, not on top of it.”

“Whatever. The point is, so far you’re perfectly safe.”

“You know what will make me go under the water, Steve?”

“What’s that?”

“The thought of not being able to hear you.” He dove into the next wave clumsily, but he still went in. Steve tested the coals a few times, keeping one eye on Danny just in case the haole decided to get himself killed. Luck was on their side: Danny didn’t manage to attract any rogue waves or errant mano pa’ele. The grilling was coming along well, too, and Steve gave himself permission to be satisfied with the way things were going thus far.

Danny had a good sense of how long the meat would take, because it was almost done when he swam back in again. “Hey, you got a towel for me, Mr. Prepared-for-All-Circumstances?”

“What do you need a towel for?”

“What do I need a towel for? Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious.”

“I don’t know, maybe to dry off with?”

“The sun’s still out. You’ll dry off on your own in two minutes.”

“It is civilized behavior to dry off with a towel.”

“Fine, princess, I’ll get one for you.” He hadn’t taken two steps before Danny said, “Ow,  _fuck!”_

“What’s wrong?” Danny was clutching his left foot, and Steve looked at the damp sand beside it. “Oh, man. You stepped on a ’wana.”

“On a-”

“’Wana. Sea urchin. Relax, the ones here aren’t dangerous.”

“Well, that’s a relief-”

“They just sting like a bitch. Come on, let’s get you in the house. Just walk on the good part of your left foot - yeah, like that.”

They limped into the kitchen, and Danny sank into one of the chairs. “So what’s first aid for these things?”

“Soak it in cider vinegar for an hour. It dissolves the spines.”

 _“Spines?”_

“Yeah, that’s what they’re called. Think of them like quills on a porcupine.”

“That isn’t reassuring.”

“Relax. It sucks now, but it isn’t going to kill you.”

“There are black marks on my foot.”

“They’ll fade in a few days. Completely harmless.” Steve washed out a bucket and poured in vinegar a few inches deep. “Bad foot in here,” he instructed.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Oh, damn, you’re stuck in a wet suit-”

“Bring me a towel. I’ll be fine.”

“Sure.” Steve got a towel from the bathroom and turned to give Danny some privacy as he shimmied out of the trunks and got the towel arranged. “The other first aid for those is Tyle-”

“Is something burning?”

“Shit!”

The fire hadn’t spread beyond the grill before Steve got there, which was a plus. Less of a plus was the fact that he hadn’t thought to bring a bucket or a towel out. Civilian life, he decided, was making him complacent. He shoved sand onto the grill pit and opened the cooler. Dammit, there was only wine, and pretty good wine, at that. At least he’d thought to loosen the cork on it first. 

Half the wine was still left in the bottle when he realized he could use his shirt. Stripping it off, he dipped it in the tide and threw it, soaking, over the fire. Nearly dead, but not quite; he’d have to sacrifice the swim trunks, too. At least he had other pairs.

It more or less did the trick. A few more brushings with sand, and the fire was completely dead. The food was a charred, disgusting mess, and Steve picked it up, using his ruined shirt, and threw it into the ocean. Something would eat it in no time. Maybe he should start giving Danny’s assessment a little more credence.

***

“Whoa, Steve, what the fuck-?”

“Cut me some slack, okay? I just had to put out a fire-”

“Because it was your brilliant idea to grill on the beach in the first place!”

“I didn’t-”

“And now you're standing here, in the middle of your kitchen, naked in broad daylight-”

“It’s sunset.”

“In front of a guest, who you just conned into stepping on a sea urchin!” Danny focused on him and blinked. “Is that a bottle of wine you’re carrying?”

“Um, yeah. Pinot noir.”

A look came over Danny’s face, the one that he got when started to realize something was up. “Wait a minute. You invite me all the way out here-”

“It really isn’t very far.”

“-get me into a bathing suit, on a secluded beach spot, at sunset, and skip beers in favor of wine.”

“Wine’s nice.”

“Wine is nice.” Danny looked him up and down appraisingly, then granted him a little grin. “You should’ve just asked, babe. You don’t need to plot out a conspiracy with sea urchins if you want to get us naked.”

“Sorry about the ’wana, man. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you just like that.”

“What, you want me to convince you?”

“Do I want you to convince me? Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”

“Okay. For starters, ’wana don’t-”

“And in the process of convincing me, you are more than welcome to stop talking about the fucking sea urchins!”

“So what should I talk about?”

“Well, my foot’s out of this in half an hour, right?”

“Right.”

“Since we’re not going back to the beach after that - no, trust me, we are not - you can tell me exactly what we’re going to do instead. Starting,” he said, holding up a hand to pre-empt Steve, “with the minute details of your plan to make me stop noticing the pain in my foot.”

Steve felt a smile tugging at his mouth, and he didn’t fight it. “Well,” he conceded, “I might have a few ideas.”

**Author's Note:**

>  _Hawaii Five-0_ is all CBS'; no claim or commerce here.


End file.
